Dealing

I've never been true to myself, and I live through all my regrets. It's time to say who I really am and let everything be at rest. So before I begin this long lost letter, I must let the people I know, that even though you know me well, you've never seen my hidden self show. I look at other people and wish I could be them. When I see someone so happy, I wonder "why not me instead of them?" I don't understand the life that I was born and raised in. I'm not rich and have divorced parents with no money left to spend. We're in debt above our heads and God why we have to fight. I'm tired of being in this tug of war. Just want to live life right. I'm tired of a lot of things like the fact I have no angel. Trouble comes from all different ways and pain from different angles. I've had a broken heart more than enough and I'm still in the process of healing. It's always something over and over again. My heart isn't sealing, just dealing. I'm not normal like most people and that's what sets me apart. I'm not the reason for why I'm like this, it's some of my parent's fault. It hurts me to even say that, but that's where I get it from. They tell me it's never my fault when I know there's many more problems to come. I was happy once, that was so long ago. I'm getting older and surrounded by love but I listen to my soul. My heart no longer beats like it did, which is why I let it go. It's just something that keeps me going, and I'm surprised how far it has grown.v I can't believe I'm still alive today with all the problems that I must face. Time passes by while I'm stuck in the middle. All I can do is let it erase